2011 is coming to a close, and I couldn’t be happier. With the U.S. economy in a downturn and the politicians doing more to make the situation more disgustingly difficult, this year has been a year of ups and downs.
Since I’ve become used to Japan, being there is like a lifesaver for a recent college grad as myself. I’m still doing a good and comfortable job in English teaching that grants me a relaxed atmosphere in both my work life and my personal life. Professionally, I’ve made a few good decisions, like renewing my contract for another year of teaching in case the U.S. economy continues to be a sanctuary for severe underemployment. Although I did well to continue with a good job and stable income, I’ve tried my hand at writing and art while in Japan. It’s a bit laughable how I haven’t won even one simple writing contest or that I’ve left my favorite manga writing position for writing for myself, but regrettable things happen like that every year, so it’s no big deal.
Financially, my life could’ve been better starting out. I didn’t really know how to save, and when I finally found an attainable goal, I learned. Still, my husband likes to make fun of how much I blew before he came to live with me and how bad I was at money. Now that I’m saving, the future looks a little brighter financially for the year 2012.
As for my personal life, I think my life went in the direction as the economy, with fluctuations here and there, and I’m not sure how I should feel about them. I can’t say I personally became a better person this year. I usually concentrate a lot of energy on my overall goals in my professional life while balancing a healthy relationship with myself. I usually dig a little bit deeper into my psyche and try to fix damaged areas, finding more and more reasons to be comfortable in my own skin. But I don’t think I’ve actually repaired anything within myself this year. I feel like I’ve taken a step back, and at times, I feel like I’ll break. I’ve thought that maybe 2011 was for me to change and break down and rebuild even stronger than before, like a fatigued muscle. But people don’t operate the same way as muscles.
As 2012 looms, I have no resolutions. They all seem futile when I look at the scheme of life. But there are things that I want to accomplish while I’m trying to live. I want to go back to volunteering in my community so I can feel connected to people somehow. I want to make a difference somewhere in the world, and going away from that makes my heart feel heavy. I also want to work on being less selfish. My husband says I’m a brat and selfish. I won’t discount this because it’s true. I have an expectation of what I deserve, and there are a lot of things that I don’t feel like I deserve just because of certain nonsense things. And I have to work on being more loving and caring for my husband, being more understanding and be like an extension of him. If not, I’ll probably be a bad wife or a continuous selfish person. We won’t have to fight about my selfishness. We can just be a happy wedded couple. If I keep my professional life separate from my personal life, keep my finances controlled and abundant, and become less selfish and more understanding, I’m sure 2012 can be a great year for everyone and myself.